About 9 months ago, I met and fell in love with a man. From the onset of the relationship, I felt he was the ONE. Unlike my past boyfriends, from the beginning I already knew that this was the man I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with. His smile could brighten up my moodiest days. His care could warm the coldest heart. His touch could send warm waves through my body. His thoughtfulness could win even my mother's heart. He was a man who was everything to me, and he would have been the man I'd been willing to lay my life down for. For him I was
submissive, for him I was obedient, for him I would have foregone everything - but my self-worth. For nothing is perfect in this world, and in every perfect man there is a flaw. And this was the flaw that tore the relationship apart.
He cried the day he told me we needed to break off. And I cried endless buckets of tears upon hearing the news. I always thought that love could overcome all problems and all issues, but who was I kidding? My heart shattered to pieces. I was overseas then, and being away alone in a faraway lonely land, I felt I had no reason more to live. My days just went by like a drama. I was the lead actress pretending to be a happy kid. But inside, all I felt was pain and sorrow and disbelieve. How could this happen to me....yeah exactly like the song Simple Plan sang.
Days became weeks, and weeks became months. Finally i return to meet him once again. To close a happy/sad chapter in my life. Was ironic that my first meeting with him would be with him lying in a hospital bed. I shoke with nervousness when I saw him, and my heart beat so fast I thought I could almost faint. I wanted so much to hold him in my arms and tell him I still love him so much. But my hurt held that back. Here was a man I wanted to hate, and I really should hate. But all I could feel was sorrow for losing him. How could something so good turn so rotten? How could love become heartache? How could he tell me how crazy he is about me one day, and then tell me he needs to stop loving me the next?
And that would always be a part of life mystery. I'm writing about this not to bring bad bad memories for myself, but I'm doing this because I want to share my experience with a close personal friend of mine who reads this blog. You know who you are, and I want to tell you that not everything is lost when you lose Love. The day I heard those words of "Let's break up" on the telephone, I thought I never wanted to see tomorrow. The days I went thru in pain and suffering, I thought life was just empty without him. The day I met up with him, I thought why can't he just say he love me once again. BUT TODAY, I survived and I live on.
I can be honest and let you know I still cry when I think of him. I cry because I am sad. I am sad because I feel so much waste that he failed the relationship before he even tried to make it work. I am sad because he did not know how to value the 100% love I had for him. But this does not mean I am not happy in life. Today I have grown one level more matured. I know that time heals all wounds, and indeed it can heal even the most broken heart. It is true that loving someone doesn't mean that someone has got to be by your side. Loving someone means letting them go if that is what will make them happier. What is more important is to love yourself. Your life does not revolve around one person, and that one person is definitely not thinking about you either. Life is but a short moment, and we need to spend our time on earth in a wise manner. Do not waste your time and energy on someone who doesn't think twice when hurting you, and gives you empty promises about life. Trust your inner instinct and never follow your heart. The heart always lie, but the brains is the smart one. If your brain can tell you that someone is not right for you, listen to it. I know it's really hard to let someone you love go. But believe me, there is a life after a broken heart. We should only build our life with someone who appreciate us, and not someone who takes us for granted.
Do not give up on love though it may have hurt you. Believe that God has someone more special prepared for you. And all these hurt are just preparation in life so that you would come to appreciate and cherish the one chosen for you. Give life a chance, and you'll find it's not really all that bad. Hey, being single is fun too :) Like the saying goes - it is better to be alone, than to be with someone who's not right for you. Cry if you must, but when the tears has dried up, that's the time to party !!! Cheer up friend :D
And lastly, thanks to all my wonderful friends who supported me in my times of depression. Without you, life would indeed have been meaningless.
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