In the hands of Temptation

Psalm 139 in the Bible goes something like this :
O lord, thou hast searched me, and known me. Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off. Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O LORD, thou knowest it altogether. Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it. Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence? If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.

In this modern day and time, many temptations lay ahead of us as an individual. And it takes a really strong soul to resist them all. We can run and we can hide from everyone, but at the end of the day, we cannot escape ourselves. And surely we cannot escape from God's judgement.

I have trouble sleeping for the past few days. Something bothers me very much, because I'm usually someone who can sleep really well and won't even awake if there was a bomb explosion next door. Suddenly I have done something that is against my own principles, and yet I did it. Why? Because it was a temptation. But my Father has put a heavy burden unto my heart. He wants me to acknowledge my mistake and fix it. I don't like rolling around my bed seeking for an answer, or a fix. I don't like denying what I should and have to do, but heck it's really so much easier to turn a blind eye and continue to do what is not right.

I do not have the strength. I do not have the heart. I can only pray for the strength of God to help me out. It's hard to do something right, and even harder to let go of something that is so right :(

Why is life like such a rollercoaster??!! And why are there so many idiotic leeches in this human land. And why do people get defensive when they are in the wrong?!! Why do they shoot at everyone who's innoccently trying to give them a solution? Why are humans so bloody inconsiderate and self-centred? But who am I to ask when I am the one who fell into temptation? !! AAAARRGHHHHHHH...........