Psalm 139 in the Bible goes something like this :
O lord, thou hast searched me, and known me. Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off. Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O LORD, thou knowest it altogether. Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it. Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence? If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.
In this modern day and time, many temptations lay ahead of us as an individual. And it takes a really strong soul to resist them all. We can run and we can hide from everyone, but at the end of the day, we cannot escape ourselves. And surely we cannot escape from God's judgement.
I have trouble sleeping for the past few days. Something bothers me very much, because I'm usually someone who can sleep really well and won't even awake if there was a bomb explosion next door. Suddenly I have done something that is against my own principles, and yet I did it. Why? Because it was a temptation. But my Father has put a heavy burden unto my heart. He wants me to acknowledge my mistake and fix it. I don't like rolling around my bed seeking for an answer, or a fix. I don't like denying what I should and have to do, but heck it's really so much easier to turn a blind eye and continue to do what is not right.
I do not have the strength. I do not have the heart. I can only pray for the strength of God to help me out. It's hard to do something right, and even harder to let go of something that is so right :(
Why is life like such a rollercoaster??!! And why are there so many idiotic leeches in this human land. And why do people get defensive when they are in the wrong?!! Why do they shoot at everyone who's innoccently trying to give them a solution? Why are humans so bloody inconsiderate and self-centred? But who am I to ask when I am the one who fell into temptation? !! AAAARRGHHHHHHH...........
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Monday, September 26, 2005
Why I vote for Daniel
Enough of people questioning me on this and insinuating I am racist/ lala-mui/ boy band lover. First of all, I am NOT a racist person. I do not like a person simply based on the color of the skin. O yeah, we're talking about Malaysian idol here. Our Malaysian idol had a Malay girl, Nita competing against a chinese guy, Daniel.
Daniel was the underdog. Here was an amateur guy pitting against a club singer with 8 years of experience backing her. Sure her voice was great, and she was at her best on the finale night. But I still prefer Daniel. Daniel is the one with potential!!! One should see the diamond within the dirty carbon. Here is a guy who grew day by day with his talents. And heck, if 68% of voters thought he was worth it, he should have SOMETHING right. Anyway, an idol is the whole package. Not just the voice. An idol is someone who can appeal to a wide mass of people. And he did just that. Cheeky, humble, talented, and determined. That's my idol, and he's only proven my votes weren't wasted on him. AND NO, he is not handsome. He's cute - in a cheeky boyish way :)
Heck, mummies and little girls like him enough to vote...now that's what a real IDOL should be like - one your mummy approve of.
Daniel was the underdog. Here was an amateur guy pitting against a club singer with 8 years of experience backing her. Sure her voice was great, and she was at her best on the finale night. But I still prefer Daniel. Daniel is the one with potential!!! One should see the diamond within the dirty carbon. Here is a guy who grew day by day with his talents. And heck, if 68% of voters thought he was worth it, he should have SOMETHING right. Anyway, an idol is the whole package. Not just the voice. An idol is someone who can appeal to a wide mass of people. And he did just that. Cheeky, humble, talented, and determined. That's my idol, and he's only proven my votes weren't wasted on him. AND NO, he is not handsome. He's cute - in a cheeky boyish way :)
Heck, mummies and little girls like him enough to vote...now that's what a real IDOL should be like - one your mummy approve of.
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Greatest Present On Earth
Do u know what is the best present you could ever give someone you love? I think a lot of us are always stuck what to get our partners during special occasions, and we go all out to buy jewelleries and electronic gadgets to win the heart of the one we love. Well I found the answer written in a book and the best gift is....*drum rolls*...TIME.
The famous saying goes that time is money, so that further means that the more time you give to your love one, the more "expensive" your present is to them. Probably some people might beg to differ coz for them spending too much time with the partner is like being in a torture chamber or prison :-P Hmm, in that case they might actually need to rethink if they should even be with that person.
For me I think every second on earth spent with the one you love is a time well spent and to be cherished. Most of us always get so distracted by things in life like work and play and TV that we tend to take it for granted that our love ones will be there waiting for you the whole of your life. Sometimes it takes a separation, or worse, a tragedy to make you realise the amount of time you have wasted on things that actually doesn't matter in life. Do you think you'll be thinking about that report you have to hand in to the boss during your last seconds alive? Or would it matter if 'Malaysian Idol' finale would be coming on a few minutes after your death? No, probably the last thing that will flash before you as you lay dying are the ones that you love and would leave behind.
I can say that I learnt from experience about lost time. I lost my daddy before I realised he was old and he enjoyed me spending time with him. I used to think I had so much time to spend with him that I could always do it the next day, or the next week, or maybe even next year. Yeah, I'll bring mum and dad on a holiday next month....or maybe treat dad to a nice dinner next week. Well there is no tomorrow when death comes knocking on the door. There is only but regret. Regret that I could not have fulfilled my dreams to be a superb daughter who brightened the final days of my dad's life. But what God takes, He giveth. And in this he gave me a lesson to learn, and the lesson is don't take for granted the ones that you love.
It's not only about old parents, but it's also about your partners and even your pets. O my poor Bunny who's gone MIA, I wished I had given you a proper grooming and a loving kiss before you left me. I curse anybody who so much have skin you to throw into a cooking pot. %$$@%@!#@#%. ASSHOLES!!
Anyway remember it doesn't take that much time or effort to make someone/something you love happy. Sometimes all your gf wants is a listening ear and not a wall to talk to. And your bf probably want you to spend some time looking at him rather than staring at the TV. Or the wife just want a little holiday break from her hectic housework and spend it romantically with you. And of course the dog would be overjoyed if you sat her down and let her lick your face with love :)
This article is dedicated to the memories of my beloved and best in the world DAD, and also to my most patient and faithful old dog, Ms.Bunny.....may both your souls rest in peace.
The famous saying goes that time is money, so that further means that the more time you give to your love one, the more "expensive" your present is to them. Probably some people might beg to differ coz for them spending too much time with the partner is like being in a torture chamber or prison :-P Hmm, in that case they might actually need to rethink if they should even be with that person.
For me I think every second on earth spent with the one you love is a time well spent and to be cherished. Most of us always get so distracted by things in life like work and play and TV that we tend to take it for granted that our love ones will be there waiting for you the whole of your life. Sometimes it takes a separation, or worse, a tragedy to make you realise the amount of time you have wasted on things that actually doesn't matter in life. Do you think you'll be thinking about that report you have to hand in to the boss during your last seconds alive? Or would it matter if 'Malaysian Idol' finale would be coming on a few minutes after your death? No, probably the last thing that will flash before you as you lay dying are the ones that you love and would leave behind.
I can say that I learnt from experience about lost time. I lost my daddy before I realised he was old and he enjoyed me spending time with him. I used to think I had so much time to spend with him that I could always do it the next day, or the next week, or maybe even next year. Yeah, I'll bring mum and dad on a holiday next month....or maybe treat dad to a nice dinner next week. Well there is no tomorrow when death comes knocking on the door. There is only but regret. Regret that I could not have fulfilled my dreams to be a superb daughter who brightened the final days of my dad's life. But what God takes, He giveth. And in this he gave me a lesson to learn, and the lesson is don't take for granted the ones that you love.
It's not only about old parents, but it's also about your partners and even your pets. O my poor Bunny who's gone MIA, I wished I had given you a proper grooming and a loving kiss before you left me. I curse anybody who so much have skin you to throw into a cooking pot. %$$@%@!#@#%. ASSHOLES!!
Anyway remember it doesn't take that much time or effort to make someone/something you love happy. Sometimes all your gf wants is a listening ear and not a wall to talk to. And your bf probably want you to spend some time looking at him rather than staring at the TV. Or the wife just want a little holiday break from her hectic housework and spend it romantically with you. And of course the dog would be overjoyed if you sat her down and let her lick your face with love :)
This article is dedicated to the memories of my beloved and best in the world DAD, and also to my most patient and faithful old dog, Ms.Bunny.....may both your souls rest in peace.
Friday, September 16, 2005
Office - Work or Play?
Recently heard about a very interesting scandal that happened right here in Malaysia involving 3 employees of a big multinational company located in KL. The rumours floating around seems to suggest that these 3 "close" colleague consisted of 2 guys and a gal, and somehow one was err..shagging the other, and the other was also bunking the 3rd one. But things got out of hands when a 4th party got jealous of the cosy relationships and made a big commotion, hence attracting the attention of the management. The ending of story...u guess.
Anyway, me being in such a small, empty office seems to have kinda lost touch with the outer world. I never knew office relationships have gotten so complex :) Makes me tempted to go join bigger organisations. Haha. Ok joke aside. What has become of society today? Have we all become so low in moral that we forget our responsibilities to our work and to our partners just for the sake of a few lustful illicit sex? And why is sex so overrated that people can do all sort of nonsense just to satisfy themselves? Before anyone start calling me a prick or a virgin mary, u better watch ur mouth coz I smack real hard!
First and foremost, an attached person should NEVER look around. Keep ur eyes focus on yourself, your partner and your family. Leave the fishes in the sea to the other poor fishermen/woman who have not managed to get any.
Second, one should always avoid an office affair. It's like opening up a can of worms. How exactly does one not mix personal with work when you are sleeping together? And what happens when the relationship turns sour? Are we opening ourselves to sexual harassment charges? FYI, it's not right to tell a colleague his bum looks tight even if it does. It's not right to tell a colleague she looks delicious enough to lick. And it's definitely not right to be telling her that you have a bird that's free and it's surrounded by balls. Ahemm....potato man?! U get my hint?
Third, if you do have an affair with a colleague, for goodness sake, don't do your dirty business where you both work! But I guess that adds to the excitement of those stolen kisses, and flirty touches. The unforbidden fruit always taste the sweetest right? But don't be stupid lar! Risking a career for a man or woman. Too high a sacrifice.
Lastly, if you must have an affair in the office, make sure it's with someone who can pull u up the corporate ladder. Now that's a smart affair. Hahahaha. At least worth the risk RIGHT?! But I am in no way encouraging this action. But may I add, better still if that person is famous so you can even blackmail him. Err..was I the one asking what happen to moral of society today? **head bang**
Anyway, just be smart. Don't do it until the whole world knows about it and even write about it their blog :-P
Anyway, me being in such a small, empty office seems to have kinda lost touch with the outer world. I never knew office relationships have gotten so complex :) Makes me tempted to go join bigger organisations. Haha. Ok joke aside. What has become of society today? Have we all become so low in moral that we forget our responsibilities to our work and to our partners just for the sake of a few lustful illicit sex? And why is sex so overrated that people can do all sort of nonsense just to satisfy themselves? Before anyone start calling me a prick or a virgin mary, u better watch ur mouth coz I smack real hard!
First and foremost, an attached person should NEVER look around. Keep ur eyes focus on yourself, your partner and your family. Leave the fishes in the sea to the other poor fishermen/woman who have not managed to get any.
Second, one should always avoid an office affair. It's like opening up a can of worms. How exactly does one not mix personal with work when you are sleeping together? And what happens when the relationship turns sour? Are we opening ourselves to sexual harassment charges? FYI, it's not right to tell a colleague his bum looks tight even if it does. It's not right to tell a colleague she looks delicious enough to lick. And it's definitely not right to be telling her that you have a bird that's free and it's surrounded by balls. Ahemm....potato man?! U get my hint?
Third, if you do have an affair with a colleague, for goodness sake, don't do your dirty business where you both work! But I guess that adds to the excitement of those stolen kisses, and flirty touches. The unforbidden fruit always taste the sweetest right? But don't be stupid lar! Risking a career for a man or woman. Too high a sacrifice.
Lastly, if you must have an affair in the office, make sure it's with someone who can pull u up the corporate ladder. Now that's a smart affair. Hahahaha. At least worth the risk RIGHT?! But I am in no way encouraging this action. But may I add, better still if that person is famous so you can even blackmail him. Err..was I the one asking what happen to moral of society today? **head bang**
Anyway, just be smart. Don't do it until the whole world knows about it and even write about it their blog :-P
Sunday, September 11, 2005
Drink, Drank, Drunk (Parental Guidance Required)
Drinking is bad for health. No, got to be more specific. Drinking ALCOHOL is bad for the health. Just like smoke, sex and gambling, it is one of the vices and great sin of life. It promotes promiscuity, abuses, murder, gang fights, breaks up marriages and families. So if money is root of all evil, then drinking is root of all violence.I should know, coz I am a victim of such violence.
It started out when a bunch of us met up for a "small" drinking session, and ended up it was quite a "medium" drinking session. Everyone was happy but blurr, and that was when I made my mistake. Getting into a car/jeep/lorry/whatever that is too high while wearing a short skirt is mistake #1. Mistake #2 was trusting that the driver was concious and sane when he obviously couldn't walk in a straight line. Not wearing a seat belt is Mistake #3. Mistake #4 was being high and blurr AND not wearing a selt belt!! Next thing I knew, my head was knocking against the window (and I have a bruise on my forehead to attest to that) and then my head was on some girl's lap. Mistake #5 was of course trying to grab the girl to steady myself, coz then I was accused of becoming LES.Aarghhh.... The evils of alcohol!!! But heck that was fun :D
So I've gotten tired of reading about the perils of alcohol and decided that I should instead find some goodness out of the alcohol. Here's a list of good reasons to drink and drink and drink :
1) Drinking may be bad for the health, but it's certainly good for the soul. Drinking too much makes u happy...well for that moment. Suddenly the world is such a jolly fun place to be in, and everyone becomes your best friend...for a girl, that would means plenty of guys suddenly wanna be ur good friend too :-p
2) And for ladies, after drinking a few rounds and ur eyes start to blurr a bit, you will find more handsome guys around u. I noticed that KL Clubbing scene doesn't have much leng chai, but when u become drunk and your eyesight fails u, u'll suddenly see lots of hunks with killer looks. Ah...to be cheated this way I admit is really cheating yourself.
3) Alcohol especially beer promotes a good circulation of blood and water in the body. Ever notice how ur heart pumps ever so fast to send those blood rushing to your head and trying to keep you awake? And notice too how often you need to go to the loo after a few shots of alcohol? Constant walks to the Loo is a good form of exercise :)
4) With the onset of drunkeness, your body also starts to lose its sense of smell. And that is really good when you need to go to the loo so often. No more stinky toilets :)
5) Alcohol in the blood also makes one a good hot dancer. Thought u didn't have the moves? Well, when u're drunk, u think no one dances as hot as u. And sometimes u might even need to be restraint from jumping up the bar to show off your "cool" moves.
6) A high enough amount of alcohol in the bloodstream is a good form of "detoxification"? Don't believe? Try it next time. Drink urself insane and wait for the moment we drinkers dread. That's the moment when the body rejects all rubbish in the system, and u start to throw up. Usually u'll be throwing up by the roadside in front of Teow Chow porridge (fav. throwing up place of a certain missy screaming "I want my hubby"), in front of Kim Gary (ahem..ahem..mr.cf good memories??), in some good samaritan's car (*guilty*) or the worst ..with the head hanging in the toilet bowl. Whatever favourite position it is, the end of that process guarantees total cleanout of the body system, and possibly a shirt dripping with disgusting puke.
Wow, I did not know the list could grow this long. Now I know why I just love my alcohol. But everyone, remember...you always have to bear the consequences of your actions. Being drunk may be fun, but only for the moment while it last. The after effects are usually not worth it at all. No one likes a hangover. I should know. I've been asleep dead on my bed most of today. What a waste of good fruitful time!!
COP tells u to say NO to alcohol.....unless you're out to have some mighty good crazy fun *wink*
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
All is not lost when you lost love
About 9 months ago, I met and fell in love with a man. From the onset of the relationship, I felt he was the ONE. Unlike my past boyfriends, from the beginning I already knew that this was the man I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with. His smile could brighten up my moodiest days. His care could warm the coldest heart. His touch could send warm waves through my body. His thoughtfulness could win even my mother's heart. He was a man who was everything to me, and he would have been the man I'd been willing to lay my life down for. For him I was
submissive, for him I was obedient, for him I would have foregone everything - but my self-worth. For nothing is perfect in this world, and in every perfect man there is a flaw. And this was the flaw that tore the relationship apart.
He cried the day he told me we needed to break off. And I cried endless buckets of tears upon hearing the news. I always thought that love could overcome all problems and all issues, but who was I kidding? My heart shattered to pieces. I was overseas then, and being away alone in a faraway lonely land, I felt I had no reason more to live. My days just went by like a drama. I was the lead actress pretending to be a happy kid. But inside, all I felt was pain and sorrow and disbelieve. How could this happen to me....yeah exactly like the song Simple Plan sang.
Days became weeks, and weeks became months. Finally i return to meet him once again. To close a happy/sad chapter in my life. Was ironic that my first meeting with him would be with him lying in a hospital bed. I shoke with nervousness when I saw him, and my heart beat so fast I thought I could almost faint. I wanted so much to hold him in my arms and tell him I still love him so much. But my hurt held that back. Here was a man I wanted to hate, and I really should hate. But all I could feel was sorrow for losing him. How could something so good turn so rotten? How could love become heartache? How could he tell me how crazy he is about me one day, and then tell me he needs to stop loving me the next?
And that would always be a part of life mystery. I'm writing about this not to bring bad bad memories for myself, but I'm doing this because I want to share my experience with a close personal friend of mine who reads this blog. You know who you are, and I want to tell you that not everything is lost when you lose Love. The day I heard those words of "Let's break up" on the telephone, I thought I never wanted to see tomorrow. The days I went thru in pain and suffering, I thought life was just empty without him. The day I met up with him, I thought why can't he just say he love me once again. BUT TODAY, I survived and I live on.
I can be honest and let you know I still cry when I think of him. I cry because I am sad. I am sad because I feel so much waste that he failed the relationship before he even tried to make it work. I am sad because he did not know how to value the 100% love I had for him. But this does not mean I am not happy in life. Today I have grown one level more matured. I know that time heals all wounds, and indeed it can heal even the most broken heart. It is true that loving someone doesn't mean that someone has got to be by your side. Loving someone means letting them go if that is what will make them happier. What is more important is to love yourself. Your life does not revolve around one person, and that one person is definitely not thinking about you either. Life is but a short moment, and we need to spend our time on earth in a wise manner. Do not waste your time and energy on someone who doesn't think twice when hurting you, and gives you empty promises about life. Trust your inner instinct and never follow your heart. The heart always lie, but the brains is the smart one. If your brain can tell you that someone is not right for you, listen to it. I know it's really hard to let someone you love go. But believe me, there is a life after a broken heart. We should only build our life with someone who appreciate us, and not someone who takes us for granted.
Do not give up on love though it may have hurt you. Believe that God has someone more special prepared for you. And all these hurt are just preparation in life so that you would come to appreciate and cherish the one chosen for you. Give life a chance, and you'll find it's not really all that bad. Hey, being single is fun too :) Like the saying goes - it is better to be alone, than to be with someone who's not right for you. Cry if you must, but when the tears has dried up, that's the time to party !!! Cheer up friend :D
And lastly, thanks to all my wonderful friends who supported me in my times of depression. Without you, life would indeed have been meaningless.
submissive, for him I was obedient, for him I would have foregone everything - but my self-worth. For nothing is perfect in this world, and in every perfect man there is a flaw. And this was the flaw that tore the relationship apart.
He cried the day he told me we needed to break off. And I cried endless buckets of tears upon hearing the news. I always thought that love could overcome all problems and all issues, but who was I kidding? My heart shattered to pieces. I was overseas then, and being away alone in a faraway lonely land, I felt I had no reason more to live. My days just went by like a drama. I was the lead actress pretending to be a happy kid. But inside, all I felt was pain and sorrow and disbelieve. How could this happen to me....yeah exactly like the song Simple Plan sang.
Days became weeks, and weeks became months. Finally i return to meet him once again. To close a happy/sad chapter in my life. Was ironic that my first meeting with him would be with him lying in a hospital bed. I shoke with nervousness when I saw him, and my heart beat so fast I thought I could almost faint. I wanted so much to hold him in my arms and tell him I still love him so much. But my hurt held that back. Here was a man I wanted to hate, and I really should hate. But all I could feel was sorrow for losing him. How could something so good turn so rotten? How could love become heartache? How could he tell me how crazy he is about me one day, and then tell me he needs to stop loving me the next?
And that would always be a part of life mystery. I'm writing about this not to bring bad bad memories for myself, but I'm doing this because I want to share my experience with a close personal friend of mine who reads this blog. You know who you are, and I want to tell you that not everything is lost when you lose Love. The day I heard those words of "Let's break up" on the telephone, I thought I never wanted to see tomorrow. The days I went thru in pain and suffering, I thought life was just empty without him. The day I met up with him, I thought why can't he just say he love me once again. BUT TODAY, I survived and I live on.
I can be honest and let you know I still cry when I think of him. I cry because I am sad. I am sad because I feel so much waste that he failed the relationship before he even tried to make it work. I am sad because he did not know how to value the 100% love I had for him. But this does not mean I am not happy in life. Today I have grown one level more matured. I know that time heals all wounds, and indeed it can heal even the most broken heart. It is true that loving someone doesn't mean that someone has got to be by your side. Loving someone means letting them go if that is what will make them happier. What is more important is to love yourself. Your life does not revolve around one person, and that one person is definitely not thinking about you either. Life is but a short moment, and we need to spend our time on earth in a wise manner. Do not waste your time and energy on someone who doesn't think twice when hurting you, and gives you empty promises about life. Trust your inner instinct and never follow your heart. The heart always lie, but the brains is the smart one. If your brain can tell you that someone is not right for you, listen to it. I know it's really hard to let someone you love go. But believe me, there is a life after a broken heart. We should only build our life with someone who appreciate us, and not someone who takes us for granted.
Do not give up on love though it may have hurt you. Believe that God has someone more special prepared for you. And all these hurt are just preparation in life so that you would come to appreciate and cherish the one chosen for you. Give life a chance, and you'll find it's not really all that bad. Hey, being single is fun too :) Like the saying goes - it is better to be alone, than to be with someone who's not right for you. Cry if you must, but when the tears has dried up, that's the time to party !!! Cheer up friend :D
And lastly, thanks to all my wonderful friends who supported me in my times of depression. Without you, life would indeed have been meaningless.
I hate Motorbikes
Motorbikes , motorbikes...why are they everywhere??!!!
Why did the road builders not build a separate lane for motorbikes??
Why do motorbikes have to weave in and out of traffic? Don't they know car drivers have blind spots and cannot see them all that easily?
I don't want to hate motorbikes, but they really irritate me a lot when I am driving. Why do they always think that we should be seeing them coming when we are changing lanes. It's enough I have to see the car in front of me, and the car besides me, and the car behind me, and the policeman hiding in the bushes, how many eyes must I have on my head to see that little Mat-biker coming on his Honda-kap. And it really pisses me when they give me the DEATH STARE just because I did not see them coming!!! What u think I purposely see you and stick my car out so I can kill you ah?!!! You think I want my car to be bang by your donkey bike? You think I like your blood splattered on my clean polished car?!!
I know not all motorcyclist are like this and it's not fair to generalise them all, and I apologise to those who drives nicely.
And COP continues to complain...endlessly about life...but but but I really don't like motorbikes.
Why did the road builders not build a separate lane for motorbikes??
Why do motorbikes have to weave in and out of traffic? Don't they know car drivers have blind spots and cannot see them all that easily?
I don't want to hate motorbikes, but they really irritate me a lot when I am driving. Why do they always think that we should be seeing them coming when we are changing lanes. It's enough I have to see the car in front of me, and the car besides me, and the car behind me, and the policeman hiding in the bushes, how many eyes must I have on my head to see that little Mat-biker coming on his Honda-kap. And it really pisses me when they give me the DEATH STARE just because I did not see them coming!!! What u think I purposely see you and stick my car out so I can kill you ah?!!! You think I want my car to be bang by your donkey bike? You think I like your blood splattered on my clean polished car?!!
I know not all motorcyclist are like this and it's not fair to generalise them all, and I apologise to those who drives nicely.
And COP continues to complain...endlessly about life...but but but I really don't like motorbikes.
Sunday, September 04, 2005
Mahjong, Money and Forgiving
I'm starting to worry a lot about myself. It seems like I am getting more abnormal lately. Maybe it's an age thing, or maybe it's stress at work, but something really not-quite-me is happening to me. First of all, I've started learning to play mahjong. Mahjong is supposed to be a game played during chinese new year, or by senior citizens daily when they have too much time on their hands. It's not CNY, and though I am old but I don't think I'm qualified to be a senior citizen, and neither do I have loads of time on my hand. But the opportunity came up for me to learn it from a mahjong sifu, and I thought why not. But heck I think I got to perfect my chinese 1st. Right now I still can't differentiate between the north, south , east , west in chinese!! And that seems to be such a major thing. And it takes me twice as long to figure out what number I am holding when it's written in chinese. And finally my brains just can't strategise fast enough to win a game. Geesh, now I really respect those aunties who can't even operate a computer, but can win rounds and rounds of mahjong!! I left my lesson feeling a little dejected because my failure in the game made me feel that I would be a failure to be a tai-tai in life *tears streaming down my face* O yeah, tai-tai means a rich lady of the house who has nothing better to do than look pretty, spend her husband's money and play mahjong whole day. If I can't be a tai-tai, that means I have to work my whole damn life! O jolly, o yippee *I am trying to sound real excited here!*
Based on what I've been writing so far, I think most people would think I'm a kinda materialistic girl. And I don't blame u guys if you thought so coz I myself thought I was...until recently. I always tell other girls, who cares if the guy loves u or not, if he's rich, just "trap" him. Since every guy is bound to be unfaithful, better to depend on the money than the person. Yeah right..was so convincing that I almost believed it myself! Alas, there are silly girls out there just like me who are sentimental fools. We go for guys who make us lovey dovey, and set our heart beating like there's no tomorrow. So I got asked out by 2 guys whom I am sure are good guys, and definitely guys who could make me a rich enough tai-tai..but darn, I rejected them and I am still whacking myself with a hammer for this! What in my freaking hormones have made me forgotten that MONEY is the all important thing in a man??!!! But heck, I really feel no Uummph for them. So I think I'm really going totally not myself anymore, and I seriously need some counselling.
So then God answered my prayer with a question that I actually asked in one of my earlier posting. Today my pastor spoke those scary words again. WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF LIFE? Aarrrgghhh.....when will we ever stop asking this question I wonder.Well I didn't get the answer from the pastor coz his voice was so soothing that I kinda started daydreaming. Daydreaming is good, coz in a way it's my method of communicating with God. Don't you doubt that because at the end of my daydream, I had another question. Yeah, God seems to like adding questions into my life. Maybe he knows I am bad in mahjong so he tries to "oil" my brains a bit and set the engine running. Anyway, the question is "How do u forgive?". I always thought forgiving was abt accepting a person's wrongdoing towards u. Pretty simple no? But now I know forgive and forget are not 2 words, they must actually come as one in order for true forgiveness to happen. What's the point of forgiving but not forgetting? Remembering something u've forgiven only serves to torture oneself, and end up u're stuck in a rut while the other party happily moves on without a thought for you. Sooo..what am I getting at??!! My brain engine is still trying to digest all this and make some sense out of it. Gulp~~ that's another weird thing. I'm getting slower with my brains!!
COP is just not COP anymore :(
Based on what I've been writing so far, I think most people would think I'm a kinda materialistic girl. And I don't blame u guys if you thought so coz I myself thought I was...until recently. I always tell other girls, who cares if the guy loves u or not, if he's rich, just "trap" him. Since every guy is bound to be unfaithful, better to depend on the money than the person. Yeah right..was so convincing that I almost believed it myself! Alas, there are silly girls out there just like me who are sentimental fools. We go for guys who make us lovey dovey, and set our heart beating like there's no tomorrow. So I got asked out by 2 guys whom I am sure are good guys, and definitely guys who could make me a rich enough tai-tai..but darn, I rejected them and I am still whacking myself with a hammer for this! What in my freaking hormones have made me forgotten that MONEY is the all important thing in a man??!!! But heck, I really feel no Uummph for them. So I think I'm really going totally not myself anymore, and I seriously need some counselling.
So then God answered my prayer with a question that I actually asked in one of my earlier posting. Today my pastor spoke those scary words again. WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF LIFE? Aarrrgghhh.....when will we ever stop asking this question I wonder.Well I didn't get the answer from the pastor coz his voice was so soothing that I kinda started daydreaming. Daydreaming is good, coz in a way it's my method of communicating with God. Don't you doubt that because at the end of my daydream, I had another question. Yeah, God seems to like adding questions into my life. Maybe he knows I am bad in mahjong so he tries to "oil" my brains a bit and set the engine running. Anyway, the question is "How do u forgive?". I always thought forgiving was abt accepting a person's wrongdoing towards u. Pretty simple no? But now I know forgive and forget are not 2 words, they must actually come as one in order for true forgiveness to happen. What's the point of forgiving but not forgetting? Remembering something u've forgiven only serves to torture oneself, and end up u're stuck in a rut while the other party happily moves on without a thought for you. Sooo..what am I getting at??!! My brain engine is still trying to digest all this and make some sense out of it. Gulp~~ that's another weird thing. I'm getting slower with my brains!!
COP is just not COP anymore :(
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