Only the Lonely

With tearful eyes a recently broken hearted friend asked me today "Aren't you lonely without a boyfriend?" Honestly speaking, I replied "No more as lonely as you were when you were with your ex". Why did I reply that? Because hers was a loveless partnership for months before the breakup. Having a boyfriend to her was like having no boyfriend because they led separate lives and barely spoke 10 sentences to each other in one month!

But anyway, of course I am lonely. It's definitely different having someone guaranteed to accompany you shopping or for dinner or to catch the latest movies. Heck, when I initially broke off with my ex, I was so lonely I almost went berserk trying to find things to keep myself busy. However, there is still hope. Get this tip firsthand from the expert - you'll get used to it *wink* It's an adventure of sorts too. Somehow lonely people get to discover other lonely people, and voila, you get a whole new bunch of friends.

Which brings me to an observation I made. Couples tend to hang on to a relationship no matter how boring, how empty it has gotten simply because they are afraid of being lonely once again. And I think that is sad. I'm not mocking these couples because I've been through it myself and know the fearfulness involved. But if you never throw away something old and useless, you can never discover something new and much more exciting. Right or not? Sure I might get lonely, and sure I fear living the rest of my life alone without a lifetime companion, but would you rather settle for someone than risk being lonely? Should we settle for someone simply because that person could provide you companionship? Why not a pet then?!? Pets will definitely give u less headaches and heartbreaks :p

Jokes aside, loneliness is really in the head. If you think you are lonely, then you will feel lonely. But if you seize the moment, then you can change that loneliness into fulfilling moments. Maybe God put those empty moments into your life to allow you to concentrate on other equally important things in your life. Maybe it's breathing space for you to take a step back and evaluate your own needs. I know of friends who "lose" themselves in a relationship, and it takes a breakup to allow them the chance to see the identity that they have lost. Or maybe you just needed the rest. Personally, my loneliness has taught me about self resilience and self sufficiency. It made me realized the goodness that I have thrown away in the past and going forward this would be beneficial to ensure I am more appreciative of the people that are to come into my life. And if God's will is for me to be alone, then Thy will be done. The more you fight it, the more you will drown, riiiiiigghhhhttt?? :)

Finally thank you MC for your entertaining news today. FYI, MC called me so very excitedly to tell me he saw my ex holding the hands of another woman. Now, that would not have been the most happening news to me, BUT MC did comment I was 100 times better looking! yahoo!! Yipee!! OK OK, I exaggerated. He said only 10 times :-p AND YES, I know love is not about looks, and he probably dumped me coz he couldn't stand my damn demanding and hard headed personality, BUT I'm still smiling ears to ears. It's good to be a bitch for once :DTo my ex, I wish you all happiness...really...sincerely from the very bottom of my heart. Without you, I would not have gone through the learning period of loneliness, and evolved a fitter and bitchier version. Arigato gozaimasu!!!

And to the rest, Happy Deepavali and Hari Raya and especially a great happy holidays to all Malaysians. I'm finally off to Bangkok!!! After 4 months of waiting, it's finally happening! Who says a single girl gotta be lonely *wink*

And times passes by..

As we go into the month of November, it suddenly dawned on me how fast time really flew by this year. Well in fact every year since hitting the age of 25 *duh* And like every other year, it's been pretty much an eventful year despite the fact I keep complaining about how boring life is :)

This year has been a pretty challenging year for me both at work and personally. In both aspects, I have grown to be more independent each day, and to be less bothered about people's attitude towards me. It's right to say one can never please everyone, but as long as I feel what I do is right and do it sincerely and honestly, then I only need to answer to myself and to God. It's amazing that sometimes with all our good intentions; we can still offend others and even step on some little toes on the way. But true friends and true professionals will take it all in their stride, and move ahead. It's a bit harder with mummy though, coz she expects me to bow and say sorry, and hold a tea cup at a level above my head :-p

This has also been a tumultuous year for many around the world. After barely surviving the fury of the tsunami last year, we now have earthquakes that strikes at the beginning of cold winter, and of course all those weird viruses that flies around with the birds. Not to forget we lost our most beloved First Lady Datin Endon L So do you not think it’s time u got down on your knees to thank God that despite how depressing and hopeless your life seems, well, at least you still got a life and you still have a nice warm bed to sleep in plus at least one person around you who cares for you? I surely will do that. Coz I even have my nice cute adorable doggy to sleep with for 2 nights recently J

So dear customers who drives me crazy with insane requests, dear friends who haunt me with weird questions and antics, dear bees who keep asking me why I don’t miss you and dear fans who encourages me to continue writing on this blog, it’s been great meeting each and every one of you. Sure there are days you make me want to jump down my 8th floor building or shout to the world how much I hate assholes, but heck, you sure made my life interesting and of course time flew by faster with you around. Not to mention my blood pressure increasing. Good mah, encourage blood circulation ;)

Friends

Here we stand at a crossroad again, like u said, in times the seasons change…Looking back, we recall the blessing and the pain….but we turn our heart towards what is still to come, want to dream again….

That was a nice song that a good friend shared with me this morning. And it makes me think how important a friend really is in your life. Partners may come in and out of my life, but my friends always remain steadfast and strong. I can even say I am closer to my friends than I am to my real brother and sister. For me, my friends are my brothers and sisters. They are the ones I care for, and who cares for me.

During this moment in life when I am at a crossroad myself, and my heart is torn in dilemma, I am glad to know that I can still be thankful to God for He has blessed me with such an abundant of wonderful friends. Each of you is so special in your own ways, and each of you is a light of encouragement when life seems so mundane, and so hopeless. How could I possibly be sad when you bring laughter into my life? How could I possibly be lonely? I’m getting sentimental today – maybe some hormonal problem * as usual blame it on the hormones * But I just thought if I were to leave the world today, I wouldn’t want to leave it without telling you all that life has been a journey. It’s been a wonderful journey to share with all of you, and I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. I wouldn’t have wanted any other friends. Maybe some of you don’t party, but you are the ones who keep my feet on the ground. And maybe some of you party too much, but thank you for opening my eyes to the corrupted world. Thank you to those who listen to all my boyfriend problems, those who let me puke in their car when I got mind-exploding drunk, those who wipe my tears away when life was a dead-end, those who celebrated with me when life was good, those who listened to my nonsense and accepted it as true fact, but most of all, thank you for picking me up when I stumbled and fell. Without you all, my life would have been incomplete. YALAR, know that sounds like a line from ‘Secret Garden’ but it’s true mah!

God Bless you all, and may each and every one of you have loads and loads of friends who themselves are as good as you.

What Is Love?

Let's talk about love today :)
Someone just told me he's getting married, and after he gets married, he does not want to talk to me anymore. I find that rather funny, because then does it means he sees me as a temptation, or a distraction. And if so, what is the point of his marriage?

Anyway, what exactly is love? Many times the words 'I love u' has been said to me, but so far I never felt that love lasting. So does that mean 'love' is only a temporary feeling? Ask anyone what is love, and you get a variety of ideas. Some say love happens when you can't get a person out of your head ie. that person is in ur mind the minute you wake up, and is the last person u think about as u drop to sleep. Others say love is true when you trust the other person with your life, and when you too are willing to sacrifice your life for the person you love. Or is love the feeling one has when you get weird funny happy feeling inside ur tummy when you meet someone? What about the fact that you feel like kissing someone or making love to someone - is that considered love too?

How do we differentiate love from lust, love from crush, and love from infatuation? The world has gotten so complicated that sometimes you can't even tell if your own family loves you, what more a total stranger? I used to think that if I love someone, I would think about him all the time, I would wanna see him all the time, I would not be able to lay my hands off that person. But that's not really true right? I too have told many guys I loved them, but do I really love them? Can't be right if I can live without them now. Heck, sometimes I don't even think about them anymore *ooppppsss*

So what is love lah?!! A book I read said that if you love someone then you must be willing to serve him. What does this mean? Well basically it means you must be willing to sacrifice your own happiness and comfort, willing to accept and forgive the person's wrongdoings and bad points, willing to stand by the person's through thick and thin, willing to die for him. And despite all those willingless, you are not to demand ANYTHING. If he/she becomes shitty to you, then you need to bow down and accept it, be patient and believe that he/she will change because of your great love. I think I would call that real extreme love. If that is love, then what is torture?!!

Ah, maybe that's why I've never been successful in love. Coz I demand too much. I expect to be the one to be served..haha. Well, I'm changing ok...God has not finished His work in me. I would like to have a love like that of my parents. After 20 over years of marriage, I would still want to look into the eyes of my man and see his love shinning through. I would like him to see me smile and tell me I am his sweetest angel on earth. Despite our white hair or baldness, we would still be holding hands when we go out together, and we would have no qualms about hugging and kissing each other in public. And most of all, I would love to be able to lie with him in bed and feel nothing but total happiness and security. And of course hope that I would die before he does!

Which reminds me, colleague of mine was talking about a man who visited his wife's gravestone everyday without fail to be with her. Do we call that love or madness? Is it not just a fine line between both? Why else they would call it 'madly in love' *wink*

So everyone, I wish u good luck in your quest to find true love. Whatever your idea of true love may be, remember it's a 2 way thing. Give and you shall receive. And don't forget to love God above all else, for God's love is eternal and ever forgiving.

Excitement

22 Days, 18 Hours more to what would be the most exciting holiday for me this year. Well I haven't had any holiday this year, have I? So considering that fact, Bangkok would be my most exciting holiday eventhough people keep asking me "why bangkok". I think for me, any place on a holiday will be a good place. Any place with good friends and fun company will be a good place :) Any place with great cheap shopping is DEFINITELY a great place.

So here I sit in my boring office cubicle enjoying my lunch break, thinking why is life so unexciting sometimes. And I came up with my list of 10 most exciting things that happened to me. I made sure too that this list had nothing to do with love or guys or guys-love or jerks-love or idiot bastard- love. Hehe...u get what I'm trying to get at soon :D

Here goes ...in no particular order :
1) Climbing up a water reservoir in Wangsa Maju in the middle of the night. When u get right up to there, you can hear the water gushing really loudly below, and you can feel the wind swirling around you. Imagine loud water sound, wind howling, pitch darkness and a hole you can drop through into the water. Errm, definitely not something I would wanna be doing now at my old age!!!

2) Waiting in line outside Sunway Lagoon for Malaysia's first bungee Jumping. Can't even recall the time, but it was definitely at some odd early morning hour..maybe 12am we queued till 5 or 6 am. Only to be told it's been cancelled!!! Bugger, ok it wasn't exciting, but the thought of doing bungee jumping was exciting, and it was good fun just lining up with my bunch of friends.

3) Running around the mountain and valley of Gotthard Pass in Switzerland/Italy with Paul and Soon Peng. Gosh I never felt such peacefulness and joy! It was just like being in a scene of Sound of Music. The excitement was seeing all those big bikers racing down the mountains, and just sitting on the grass munching on our apples, and having some kungfu fight with Paul.Darn, I miss it *sob*

4) Going cave crawling in the Dark Cave in Batu Caves. Wooa man, it was darn exciting being surrounded by a wall of cave cockroaches. I could have swore my legs were like jelly as I walked through that section. Even more exciting was crawling on my tummy through a really small hole in the cave, and my body all engulfed in wet guano. Eeww..natural facial. Smelt good too :-p
*warning: do not attempt if waist diameter above 30 cm *

5) Riding on a bike all the way from Setapak to a disco in Sunway called HEAVEN. I never been allowed to ride a bike, and man, riding on one for such a long distance was just too much. By the time I reach there I was shivering cold, and my bum just totally numb! And then my friends tried to revive me by feeding me something called 'Flaming Lamborgini'. Heck, nothing flaming about it except for the smoke coming out of my ears after that :D

6) Entering an Orang utan sanctuary in Kota Kinabalu. Those creatures must be the cutest most adorable animals ever, and they are sooooo human-like. But I had this bad memory of reading about how an Orang Utan raped a woman, and got her pregnant. So naturally I was a bit jumpy when I came across some of those "manly" looking orang-utans...keke..But honestly, I do think they are cuter than some men we see in town :-p

7) Being "flased" by a pervert while walking back from primary school. U know u always hear about flashers, but u never expect to see one. And this bugger was hiding behind some banana trees. And the most idiotic thing of all was the fact I was only probably about 8 or 9 years old, and being innoccent little angel, I had no idea what a "bird" was. Now I whack myself for not having gone closer to check out what it actually looked like. Hohoho..hahaha...must have been too small till it did not stick in my memory at all! Pooooooooor little guy..

8) Working in a liquor warehouse while awaiting for my SPM results. I was a data entry clerk in the warehouse, but it was a pretty small warehouse and all of us got on really well and had loads of fun. First time I got to ride around on a forklift, or do stock counting. So it seems my interest in logistic started when I was young, so no wonder I grew up now to become one of the most successful logistic consultant in Malaysia, and some say Singapore. **OK, let me blow trumpet a bit can or not!!** Anyway what was so exciting about this warehouse was the fact it was filled with alcohol and I learnt all about my alcohol and liquor and Malaysian Duty Not Paid from there :D

9) Discovering an ancient dinousaur footprint in Korea. Ok it just looked like some hole in the rock, but I finally believed it was the curse of the dinosaur when I stepped into on of those "footprints" and slipped and fell tumbling into the cold river. Got my shin hurt and bleeding, and then I could declare I had a dinosaur "footprint" on my shin.

10) Doing a tarzan act with my bro and cousins in our old house. Our house used to be higher than our neighbours, and so happened the fence was kinda drooping down into their compound. Our neighbour had some coconut trees planted just next to our compound, and we just loveeeed hanging onto these leaves, and swinging ourselves into their compound. But finally had to stop that when one day I landed on the fence instead of the ground. Ouch...stupid fence poked into my beautiful smooth backside and I landed up getting a jab, and nice LONG LONG scolding from my folks. Hey, I am TARZAN ok..I'm supposed to be able to pass that darn fence!

Ok...took me longer than i thought I would need...now was pass my working time. Boss, I'm sorry. I will work extra hard, and put in 2 more hours OT today. Cheers :D

Who are we to Judge?

For those of you who read The Star newspaper, I think you would not have missed the photo
of this pretty lady called Jessie Chung. What was so special about Jessie Chung was the fact that she was once Jeffrey Chung. Yeap..she's one of Paul's favourite ladyboy. Well now she's every bit a lady except for the adam's apple on her throat, and she's even a regular church worker. Now this started a sort of discussion between me and LL. LL is of the opinion that whether or not Jessie is doing good charitable work in helping the public, yet the fact she had a sex change is still WRONG. If God meant for her to be a girl, He would have made her a girl. It is not up to her to take matters into her own hands and change herself from a man into a woman.

I agree with that to some degree. I think we should all be satisfied with what God bestowed upon us, and not be thinking of ways and means to become something else. However, I also believe it is unfair for us to judge someone based on what we know teoritically. Sure we know it's wrong to change your sex, but do we really know how it feels to be having the body of a man, and yet everything else about you feels like a woman? Do we actually even come close to feeling the confusion and mental aguish these kind of people would probably feel during their years of discovering their true self?

It's very easy for us to judge others, but it will never be easy for us to be judge by others. Probably everyone of us hides something about ourselves from people around us for fear of being judge. I greatly feel that one should not, and do not have the right to judge another if you yourself has not been through the same situation that the person goes through. It's easy for us to be disgusted by a girl who aborts her baby, but would we have done the same if we were that girl with NIL future, runaway boyfriend whom she thought loved her and parents who would disown her? What about the bank robber whom we all call the scumbag of society? Would you not have also desperately taken the same path if that was your only way of gaining enough money to save someone you love? And the poor girl whom we call a slut simply because she fell in love with someone else's husband. Do you think any girl would actually want to be 2nd place - sharing the heart of a man with another and constantly waiting to have her stolen moments together? And I'm sure most of us have judge our friend's relationships at one point in time. We can say "hey u stupid girl, don't u see the guy's a jerk. Why can't u just dump him?". Yeah right, easier said than done. As a person who has been with a jerk, I can personally say when u're in love, the jerk looks
and feels like a prince. It's just not that easy to say to yourself HE SUCKS! HOW can we judge someone if we have never been in their shoes and experienced their wrongdoing? HOW can we judge someone if we have not been through the same situation and walked away doing the RIGHT thing?

It's true things are either Right or Wrong, and there is never an in-between. On the other hand, a decision can never be a right or wrong.We can never do something that will pleases everyone. I think the piece of advice from my good friend CKL is true. (Btw, CKL just told me he came back from the brink of death due to some tubing accident in Danum Valley). CKL said that whatever decision one makes, just be sure it makes you happy and that it harms no other person. Life is short indeed. Don't waste your time judging others, but rather start by looking at yourself.

COP really needs a break from life....I'm addicted to my blog !! Heck that is sick!