Pain

OK, time to share my caesarian experience. It's not painful at all...none at all, pain-free all the way UNTIL you wake up from the operation!!!! I remember the feeling as they are wheeling you into the operation theater. There you are lying on the bed and all you see as they are rushing you there are those lights on the ceiling. And the faces of the attendants and your husband's worried look. So exactly like what you see in the movies.

And let me tell you, as those lights flashes before you, all you can feel is FEAR. Pure fear. Somehow you get the feeling like you're being wheeled to your death. Or maybe it's just me :-p That's not bad yet. Then you enter the actual operating room and you are asked to climb onto the cold operating table. That's the point when my legs started to shake uncontrollably - really shake non-stop. But thankfully that wasn't for long. Very soon after, some old looking man was putting a mask over my mouth and nose and saying 'Hi Oi Ping, I'm Dr. See' and that was the last thing I remember in that operation theater. After that I was sleeping like a piggy and when I woke up I was still in a daze not knowing if the operation had begun or was over till a nurse walked over to tell me everything was over. And for the rest of the day I just slip in and out of consciousness. So when they brought the baby to me, I could barely keep my eyes open and nurse her.

When does the pain begin? Well, the moment you open your eyes after the operation. First you feel a pain in your throat – dry scratchy feeling and like it was dying from dehydration. Then you feel the pain at the section where they cut you up. Excruciating pain it was! And don’t even try moving or getting out of bed – you’ll feel like the lower half of your body is tearing apart. I’m not exaggerating at all ok!!! But after 2-3 days it will feel much better and you’ll be a bit more mobile again. That’s the great thing about having the service of the nurses. They practically do everything for you during those days from cleaning you up to changing your clothes.

And what was even more painful than the caesarian wound? Urrgh, the pain when they remove the urine catheter from you. They stick that into your bladder and attach it to a bag so there is no need for you to go do your little business. The urine goes straight to the bag whenever it enters the bladder. So after that is removed and you try to go do your little business like usual, wowee, the urine stings you so bad that more tears come out than urine. The moment a drop of urine tries to come out, the pain made me suck it back in. Hahaha…o boy, those were bad times.

Anyway, it was a good experience. One word of advice though. If you want to go through a caesarian, make sure you have a good partner to take care of you after the operations. Without the support of my husband I think it would have been totally miserable recuperation. You sure need that special someone to hold your hand through all those fear and pain. Not painless but makes it all bearable.

PostNatal

What do I miss most now that I am post-pregnant? Sleep!!! What should you enjoy before you have kids? Sleep!!! And time together with your partner. Nowadays the only things I say to my hubby is “Dear, baby poo-ed”, “Dear, baby needs milk” and of course “Dear, stop talking and lemme get some sleep”

To my poor stressed out hubby, sorry for the added pressure, but we’re getting there!!! Today is her 12th day after birth and she’s settling down to a routine (hopefully coz her internal clock is still a bit not right when it comes to night and day). As parents we’re also getting the hang of thing and ways to pacify her. Anyway, mini-Kristine is now named Zaydeen Kua Shun Ying – mind u, her dad took many days to finalize on her Chinese name and Zaydeen is not a Malay name! She was born 3.3kg in the afternoon of May 7th 2007 via emergency caesarian. Not a nice start to life for her. Poor little dear had a knot in her umbilical cord and during labor contractions the knot was tightening and cutting off her oxygen supply and hence decreasing her heartbeat. So Doc had no choice but to perform an operation to grab her out of mummy’s tummy.

And all the things you heard about mother’s love being incomparable to any other love? You’ll know it when you become a mother. Suddenly there is this little being so dependant on you. Well maybe more dependent on your breast :-p For me initially it took some time to bond. Being a caesarian birth, I did not have the chance to hold her the moment she was delivered so when they finally brought her to me in the room I was not so sure if that was my baby. Then through breastfeeding our bond was sealed but not totally. There were nights when ¾ asleep and Zaydeen was crying non-stop (despite me just having fed her) that I wished she wasn’t there. Yeah, such a horrible mum I was. Blame it on the hormones lah!!! Well maybe it was a minor postnatal depression, but I stood there crying because I felt like such a loser mum not knowing what my baby wanted and not being able to pacify her with the 101 songs I sung to her while she was in my womb. But on the day she was re-admitted to hospital for jaundice, that was when I knew what a mother’s love was all about. I cried from the A&E ward to the children’s ward, and cried even more at home. Seeing her naked little body lying under the phototherapy light all alone without her mummy, I wished I could take away her suffering and keep her company. So sleepless nights or low milk production, it is my duty as a mother to please my little princess. My reward is her sweet and satisfied smile. O ya, Zaydeen’s pics are posted in the following link :
http://fotologue.jp/#Zaydeen

That's when Zaydeen was still tuck nicely inside the tummy


In the labor ward still enjoying my contractions


Zaydeen just out from the Operating Theater


Zayden lying on mummy for 1st time


Zaydeen at home finally

VE

So what's a VE? Stands for Vaginal Examination. Is it fun? Maybe for the doctor, definitely not for me! So far had it 3 times - 1st time ok, 2nd time hurts bad and 3rd time plain uncomfortable. What happens during a VE?
1. Doc ask u to lift ur legs and open wide (while u are laying down of course). This is embarassing enough coz now doc and nurse is staring at your most private part while hubby is pretending this is not happening and staring at the ceiling :-p
2. Doc straps on his rubber gloves and squeeze some gel onto his fingers
3. Arghh..here it comes...doc then pokes his 2 fingers into your vagina. Not a pleasant feeling at all I must add, and he's sort of trying to push real deep in and at the same time digging at the walls. With his other hand he is pushing your tummy down. Something like what your mum does when she is cleaning the chicken and trying to grab the liver out!#!@$@!
4. Thankfully doc doesn't stay there too long and soon his hands are out again. Now breathe a sigh of relieve and hope you never have to go through that again.....

What is a VE for? Well according to my doc it is to check if the baby's head is fully engaged and low enough and also to determine if my cervix has soften & open. Negative for all 3 checkups :(
So what is next? Doc looking very serious says "We will induce you next Tuesday and if she still can't fit into your pelvic bones, then we have no choice but to go for caesarian"

Induce? Caesarian? AAARGHHHH...those 2 words I don't wanna hear!!!! Why can't I just wait for her to come out naturally??? Doc said is not advisable as her amniotic fluid has gone low and it would be dangerous for her to remain inside with little fluid. Sigh~~ baby o baby...why so tough to get into this world. Mum isn't helping much by sharing her experience with me. Turns out I myself was an induced baby and mum said the labor was way more painful than sis & bro who came naturally. Just the kinda news I need to know at this moment *sweating* Well at least there is epidural to kill the pain. Thank God for advancement in medical technology.

What I don't wanna know is the final hospital bill. Any sponsors maybe?!!?? Just wishful thinking :)

So if doc has it his way, then my little baby will be out on Tuesday 8th May 2007. Exactly 40 weeks since her conception. And that will probably be the day I scream the loudest ever in my life :-p